So, we are at week 6 in our training, halfway through. And it’s getting hard.
I had a little emotional break down at work Thursday. It was a combination of things, but I think the biggest contributor was how sleepy I am. I’m typically getting around 7 hours of sleep a night. For those of you who know me, I need a good 9 – 10 hours a night. Not that I ever get that, but it’s what I need. Well, 6 weeks of not getting enough sleep and working my body harder than it’s ever been worked before has started to take its toll.
But not without a lesson learned.
After all the sobbing and bonding time with my wonderful office mates at work, I started to slowly see some things that the Lord is trying to teach me. And I was reminded that this whole “breakdown” is one of the biggest reason’s I even started this training. Without realizing it, I was trying to ‘carry this burden’ on my own. Meaning- I was so bound and determined to Not let my training effect my work. I even pictured myself carrying around this huge load but not letting anyone see it. Hello Pride!! I also hate crying in front of people. There are many reasons, but I really think the core is, again, Pride. Admitting weakness, needing help from others, looking stupid in front of other people - all of that is Pride rearing its ugly head. I know that I’m a prideful person (geez- even that sounds prideful!) but I don’t really know specifically where/how/when I am. I almost deceive myself because I don’t realize I have it. I know that my pride is something that the Lord wants to tear down before I go to Thailand. I know that it will be a hindrance to what He wants to use me for. I know that I have to come to a place where I Can cry out- to Him, to whoever He has there to lift me up- and admit that, hey- this is hard, I need help! And I know that Thursday was a taste of that . . . I didn’t like it at the time, but I know He is doing a work in me.
I had a little emotional break down at work Thursday. It was a combination of things, but I think the biggest contributor was how sleepy I am. I’m typically getting around 7 hours of sleep a night. For those of you who know me, I need a good 9 – 10 hours a night. Not that I ever get that, but it’s what I need. Well, 6 weeks of not getting enough sleep and working my body harder than it’s ever been worked before has started to take its toll.
But not without a lesson learned.
After all the sobbing and bonding time with my wonderful office mates at work, I started to slowly see some things that the Lord is trying to teach me. And I was reminded that this whole “breakdown” is one of the biggest reason’s I even started this training. Without realizing it, I was trying to ‘carry this burden’ on my own. Meaning- I was so bound and determined to Not let my training effect my work. I even pictured myself carrying around this huge load but not letting anyone see it. Hello Pride!! I also hate crying in front of people. There are many reasons, but I really think the core is, again, Pride. Admitting weakness, needing help from others, looking stupid in front of other people - all of that is Pride rearing its ugly head. I know that I’m a prideful person (geez- even that sounds prideful!) but I don’t really know specifically where/how/when I am. I almost deceive myself because I don’t realize I have it. I know that my pride is something that the Lord wants to tear down before I go to Thailand. I know that it will be a hindrance to what He wants to use me for. I know that I have to come to a place where I Can cry out- to Him, to whoever He has there to lift me up- and admit that, hey- this is hard, I need help! And I know that Thursday was a taste of that . . . I didn’t like it at the time, but I know He is doing a work in me.
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