What do I do every day?

I live a life. I strive to love God everyday. I struggle with frustrations. I try to find ways to love God. I get frustrated at how bad I am at it most of the time. I complain and I’m grateful. I think a lot. I think about family and how lucky and blessed I am with mine. I think about friends and am overwhelmed by the generosity of the ones I have. I think of how I got here and am just stunned at how God orchestrated things and the selflessness I saw in my friends that gave and gave and gave and then found more ways to give. I study language and wish I could learn it faster. I use Thai in the market and love the sweet grins I get from the locals when they hear you use their language- even when we can only understand each other about 10% with language and use sign language the rest of the time. Sometimes I miss having a car or my own income and independence that brings. Them I’m so overly grateful that the Lord is using the love and generosity of so many to help provide for my every need and beyond. I work a lot and have a lot of fun doing it. I struggle with not being more talented in the things I’m doing there. And then sometimes I think I’m not the right person for the job. And I’m humbled that God chose ME. Why me? What do I have? How can I loose myself more so that God can live through me? How can I put aside my personal desires, likes, dislikes and frustrations and just let God freely flow through my life? I try to stay in touch w/ everyone back home. I get so overly thrilled when I get an email from the states! I love hearing what’s happening back home. I constantly take pictures and video with the intention of sharing everything with everyone. But then my procrastination kicks in and weeks pass and I forget and get lazy. I constantly think about my family coming to visit me here. Every time I experience something like beautifully scenery on the bike, or passing a water buffalo on the side of the road, or an amazing church worship service, or try a Great cheap food- I always imagine sharing it with someone I know would love it too! Be it one of my sister, or my mom or dad, or a friend back home. I mostly think about my mom and know how much she would love it here. I think if she ever comes she would want to stay. I think of some people and think they would totally hate it here- and that makes me laugh :) ! I’m starting to get to spend more time with Anne on a weekly basis and that makes me really happy. I’m thankful she’s starting to work more hands on with PHI. I drink more coffee than I ever have. Chris and Anne drink it nonstop and it smells sooo good! I eat Thai food and love it more than I thought I would. I gain weight and get frustrated. But then I remember that I have about 100 people praying for my health and my finicky stomach and I realize that not getting sick on the food is a miracle and an amazing answer to so many prayers that are being lifted up to me. I desire everyday to be healthier and workout and I struggle to fulfill that desire everyday.